One of the cornerstones of BDSM is the dynamic between a submissive and a dominant partner. For many, being the dominant person in a relationship comes with power play revolving around spanking and bondage; for others, it’s a matter of control over the sub’s pleasure. So, the question remains; how can you be dom in bed?
The fact is that Doms in the BDSM world have evolved. But, the core way to be a dom is to take the initiative and control over a scene. Now, for some Dom groups, like pleasure doms and soft doms, this doesn’t come with any intense impact play. Instead, the focus is on the sub and how they’ll achieve optimum sexual pleasure, as we’ll see below.
Apart from some types of Doms, we’ll also take a look at what it means to be dominant in bed and how you can be a dom. So, without further ado, let’s dive deeper into the fundamental dynamic in BDSM!
What Are The Responsibilities Of a Dominant
Let’s take a step back first. You can’t just become a Dom out of thin air. In fact, as the person in charge, it’s your responsibility to ensure that the sub remains safe and practically unharmed throughout the whole play. Alas, let’s check out some of the other responsibilities you’ll have if you want to be a Dom in bed.
Discuss and Respect the Sub’s Limits: In any D/s scenario, the sub is in a very vulnerable position. So, you must discuss their limits beforehand and never, ever cross them during a scene. This is also where safe words come into play, as the sub should express them at any point they feel uncomfortable.
Safety first, Pleasure second: Always have a first-aid kit nearby to attend to any injuries that can (and usually do) happen during D/s scenes. Also, if you’re trying out some advanced bondage, make sure that you have a set of medical scissors to cut bondage ties.
Care For the Sub During and After a Scene: Whenever you’re partaking in any D/s dynamic, you have to check in with your partner during a scene to ensure their comfort and pleasure. And, always take some time after a play to attend to any injuries they might have (PS, don’t forget the cuddles!).
How To Be a Dom
Now that you know the basic mentality you’ll need to have to be a Dom, let’s actually see how you can become one.
For starters, trust from your partner and empathy for them is a must. If your partner doesn’t trust you, they won’t be able to fully submit to you, thus making the whole scene uncomfortable for them. And, if you don’t understand their position by being empathetic, you might go over the limits without knowing it.
Once you’ve established that connection with your sub, you’ll have to lay out what’s alright with them and what’s not, as we mentioned above.
When you’re ready to go, remember to shift to a more dominant attitude within reason. Talk dirty to your sub, try some hair-pulling, dish out some punishments when they’re not following your commands, and always, always keep eye contact with them.
What Is a Pleasure Dom
Then again, there are Doms that aren’t sadists. That’s where pleasure Doms join in.
While still being the dominant partner, pleasure Doms are rarely into intense impact play and bondage. Instead, their aim is to give their sub as much pleasure as possible. This is usually done through sensory play, as well as orgasm control.
What Is a Soft Dom
In a similar fashion to pleasure Doms, soft Doms aren’t big fans of the SM (sadomasochism) in BDSM. They’re very fond of appreciating and praising the sub and are equally enthralled by sensual play. A great example of a soft Dom is the Daddy or Mommy Dom, who will rarely dish out punishments to their sub.
Pleasure Through Power
If you’ve just begun your BDSM journey, and you wish to become the dominant partner in your relationship, you’ll have to take up a lot of responsibilities. Whether you’re hard or soft, a pleasure Dom or a sadist, your power over the sub is your pleasure. All you need is a premium set of BDSM gear to get things to the next level.
At Oddo Leather, we strive to debunk all the myths and stereotypes around BDSM. And we offer premium leather toys for you and your sub to play with once you take it up a notch!